Rest - What’s that?


“Rest?”. I ask.

“What’s that?” They reply

“You tell me…” I say, with a smile.

"I knew you’d turn it back to me. Rest? That’s where I get to pause for 5 mins and let my head stop spinning”

“Sounds nice; where would you be and what would you be doing?”

‘I’d sit with a magazine and a cup of coffee in the local cafe, just me and the magazine, not even reading the words just looking at the pictures…. oh and one of those pastel de nata… I love those”

“And what would that would that feel like; to have that?”

“Oh my, I think I would cry…”

“Cry?”

“Yes; tears of joy and relief”

“What would the relief be about?”

“I haven’t paused like that in an age”.

“What’s stopped you?”

“Not being enough”

“Not being enough?”

“Yes, that I haven’t earned it”.

“What would being enough feel like?”

“It would feel light”

“And what would enough feel like?"

“Strong and solid”

“When do you feel enough and light now?”

“When my boss says well done and when I know I’ve done a good job and when the team is functioning well”.

“When else?”

“When, we might not b ahead, but we are in top of the work”

“And what does that mean for you?”

“Then, I am able to be calm around my partner and the kids and we all sit down and watch a movie together and I don’t feel like I’m clock watching

“and what does that mean fro you?”

“I can go out for a run and not feel guilty that i’m doing that instead of running errands”.

When does that happen now?

“I can’t think of the last time”

“Would you like to feel like that again?”

“God, yes”.

“What would be one small step towards feeling like that?”

“Recognising I need it, just as much as I want it”.

“How could you begin to do that?”

“We just have…”

And the conversation continued…

As a coach of over 20 years experience I cannot help but ask questions, listen intently to what is said and what is unsaid and notice things.

In this chat, I’m noticing them pause, I notice their cheeks flush up and I hear the tone in their voice change. I also listen intently to the words they use.

Sometimes I summarise what they say and sometimes I paraphrase what they say highlighting, removing or reshaping deletions and distortions of their truth. Challenging them by replaying back to them, what they say in line with their values, beliefs and expectations.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself

  • What did you notice in the chat above?

  • What resonated with you?

  • What would you have said to my coachee?

Rest is one of my four life pillars, sitting alongside work, play, sustenance and love.

Next time; I’ll share with you what I notice and where the conversation goes next. for now, I’d like to talk a little more about REST.

I like to think of rest, as what restores you. As the dictionary says, to restore means “ a return to an original state after depletion or loss”.

Those I work with are are purposeful good people and good people usually care massively and over burden themselves. Many don’t always stick up for themselves (as much as they do the cause) and are often working harder than they need to. On top of this they often end up doing more than is healthy for them, because of how purposeful they feel and because of how important they see the change they are leading, or want to lead.

Great things take time to gestate, to influence, to build and remain ‘liquid’ for a long time before becoming more solid and foundational.

Helping others to transition from an idea into a cultural norm and a way of working, living and being takes energy, it takes commitment AND almost as importantly pacing and recuperation

Like the bike races I do, leadership and change are an endurance sport and races like those, like aren’t won in the first few pedal strokes, but can be easily lost by over ‘egging it’ and ‘burning brightly’ in the opening hours.

The 8 types of Rest…

Rest and recuperation isn’t just about sleep; it’s much more. In fact, there are 8 types of rest or restorative facets as I call them.

These are physical, mental, sensory, emotional, social, creative and spiritual rest and you can read what I think is a lovely article on the first 7 elements here and the bonus 8th, Cellular/systemic rest, here.

Rest is not about excluding these things but more about finding out what activities recharge you. Meeting socially with people whom you can be your authentic self, for example or finding a way to have creative space and freedom within your calendar.

When I led, I was so driven and I was fairly hopeless at resting - like many of my clients. Instead of resting as I went along, I’ve worked in sprints of 2 -3 years, followed by periods of social, creative and spiritual rest, as well, as changing careers to bring mental, sensory and emotional rest.

Since my breakdown 10 years ago and our move to the Isle of Wight, I have been far more deliberate in making sure I rest. Becoming an endurance racing cyclist and father, has really meant that I’ve prioritised it to a much greater degree, for myself, than ever before. I always sought to make sure those around me were ok.

I’m not perfect, far from it, and I still overdo it at times - but and I use but deliberately - in many ways - knowing this and having to work hard at it myself, means that I’m better able to support and challenge my clients in this arena too.

What do I need to hold onto?

I’m better when I rest, I’ve more patience, I ask more questions, I collaborate more and drive the agenda less and I enjoy what I’m doing and smile more.

The question that keeps me in check; are you ‘rocking’ n rolling’?

If the answer is no; I’ve already gone a few steps ahead of myself.

Some questions for you

  • What does rest mean for you?

  • When do you rest?

  • Would you like more rest? and if so, which of the 8 types are you most in need of?

  • What would need to change in order for you to let yourself rest and recuperate more?

I’d love to chat through your answers with you.

Remember, you dont have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to become great.

Summary

What have we covered? (I find I forget and this is useful for me when writing)

  • Rest comes up a lot in my coaching with good people who are leading great things. Needing rest but not taking it is common place amongst us; but it doesn’t have to be the norm.

  • I notice lots in a session, not just the words spoken and sometimes all it takes is repeating back what someone says and on other occasions it takes the art of positive psychology and cognitive behavioural techniques to challenge assumptions and limiting beliefs.

  • Let me know what you noticed; we all notice stuff that could help others - I’d love to hear what you thought and i’d love to hear what you’d do.

  • The 8 types of rest are physical, mental, sensory, emotional, social, creative, spiritual and cellular/systemic rest and we all need rest in one of more of these at some point.

  • It’s not the absence of these, social interaction, for example - it’s often who we are doing these things, with and for what purpose.

Next Steps

  1. Get in touch - If any of these topics resonate with you and you have something you’d like to share with me or if you’d like to discuss working with me on this topic.

  2. Connect with me on linked in and read my long form posts on the rotating topics of Work, Rest. Play, Sustenance and Love every Thursday

  3. Sign up to my newsletter ‘Be The Waves” here - which collates each weeks long form post on a monthly basis and you’ll get to read it later in the month

  4. I’ll continue this in 4 to 5 Thursdays time when I continue the topic of ‘Rest” in my Thursday Journal.

For now; thank you

I am…

An executive coach who specialises in helping good people lead great things.Good people care about others, our planet and beauty. Great things are changes for the betterment of society and all that lives within an around it.
It sounds big and fun - it is.

I'm also an endurance racing cyclist and a go. getter.

You can read more about me and what I do; how I work here

#executivecoaching #Leadership #purpose

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Passion - Stefan’s Week-notes 06/10/2024

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Restore - Stefan’s Week-notes 29/09/2024