Sustenance: Giving Yourself Space For The Things You Love - The Essay
The Essay
Here is the latest ESSAY version on the subject of SUSTENANCE ; “Giving Yourself Space for the Things You Love”
The fourth of my life pillars, alongside WORK, REST and PLAY, I would love to hear your thoughts.
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Stefan
Sustenance: Giving Yourself Space for the Things You Love
This week it’s time to revisit the topic of SUSTENANCE, the fourth of my ‘life pillars’, which sits alongside the elements of WORK, REST and PLAY.
A few weeks ago, I expressed sustenance in the form of an acronym L.U.N.C.H.E.S., which stands for the seven pillars:
Love
Understanding
Nutrition
Community
Home
Exercise
Space
Each of these elements, for me, is an essential aspect of well-being, enhanced by the combination of the five dimensions of SPACE, I’ll outline today.
In our busy, fast-paced lives, it’s all too easy to become consumed by the constant demands of work, family, and social obligations. We often forget that making space for ourselves - and for the things that truly matter - is essential for our well-being AND is something we have to do.
When I talk about creating space, it’s more than just about having room in your diary or your physical space, in which you live or work. It's about having the way to be who you are and in the way that fits you more naturally.
For me, there are five key dimensions of space that are vital to personal fulfilment; these are:
(Space for what you) Love to Have - Creating space for the things, possessions, and experiences that truly nurture and spark joy in our lives.
(Space for what you) Love to Be - Giving ourselves space to simply be, embracing who we are, and understanding our deeper needs and desires.
(Space for what you) Love to Do - Carving out space for our passions and meaningful actions that fuel creativity, growth, and joy.
(Space for what you) Love to Be With - Making space for the people who bring us love, support, and connection.
(Space for what you) Love to Learn - Creating space for continuous growth, curiosity, and expanding our minds, whether through new skills, knowledge, or self-discovery.
By focusing on these five ‘SPACE’ dimensions; having, being, doing, being with, and learning - you can create a balanced and fulfilling life where you’re not only thriving individually but also in your relationships and personal pursuits.
The elements of L.U.N.C.H.E.S and SPACE are intertwined; this week I’ll try and ‘pull them apart’ and bring some clarity to my thinking.
1. Love to Have: Simplifying Possessions with Marie Kondo’s Philosophy
The first component of L.U.N.C.H.E.S., Love, sets the foundation for creating space in our lives.
One of the key ways to practice “Love” in our possessions is through Marie Kondo’s “Love It” philosophy. Marie Kondo, author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, teaches us that you should keep only the possessions that “spark joy.”
This method of decluttering helps create not only a cleaner physical space but also a clearer, more focused mindset.
When you consciously evaluate your belongings, you create space for the things that are truly meaningful and serve you in positive ways.
I believe that Kondo’s approach, can and does, goes beyond just material possessions — it can apply to other areas of life as well:
Love What You Have: Marie Kondo’s method encourages you to surround yourself with items that you truly love and that serve a practical or emotional purpose. This can extend beyond physical objects to include the people and experiences that add value to your life. Do you have relationships that uplift you? Are you spending time on activities that nourish your soul? Making space for the things you love — from your favourite books to your cherished friendships - can bring more joy and meaning into your life.
Letting Go of What Doesn’t Serve You: Just as Kondo advocates for letting go of physical items that no longer spark joy, you can apply this principle to other areas. Let go of relationships, activities, or habits that drain you or no longer align with your values. By doing so, you free up emotional and mental space for the things that truly matter.
When you embrace the Love aspect of L.U.N.C.H.E.S., you begin to create an environment — both physically and emotionally — that supports the things you genuinely care about, making space for what enriches your life.
2. Love to Be: Creating Space for Self-Discovery and Authenticity
The second aspect of L.U.N.C.H.E.S., Understanding, invites you to create space for introspection and self-awareness.
When you understand who you are and what you need, you give yourself permission to just be. This aspect is about cultivating space for self-discovery, authenticity, and emotional well-being. It’s about loving who you are, not for what you do, but simply for existing as yourself.
Being Present: Sometimes, the greatest gift you can give yourself is the space to be fully present in the moment. In today’s world, it’s easy to rush through life without pausing to check-in with ourselves. Taking time each day to slow down — whether through mindfulness, meditation, or simply being in nature — allows you to reconnect with your true self and nurture your well-being.
Embracing Your Authentic Self: It’s important to create space for your authentic self to shine. That means embracing your uniqueness and acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses without judgment. The more you can love yourself as you are, the more you create the conditions for growth, confidence, and fulfilment.
Self-Compassion: Understanding yourself also means practising self-compassion. It’s easy to be critical of ourselves, but when you create space for kindness and forgiveness, you open the door to healing and self-acceptance. Self-compassion strengthens your emotional resilience and allows you to show up for you, and others, in a meaningful way.
When you make space for understanding you, you give yourself the freedom to simply be, which leads to greater joy and alignment with your true self.
3. Love to Do: Engaging in Meaningful Action and Pursuit of Passions
The N in L.U.N.C.H.E.S. stands for Nutrition, which reminds you that you need to nourish not just your bodies but your soul as well. Part of nourishing ourselves is making time for the things you love to do — those activities that bring you joy, spark creativity, and fuel your sense of purpose.
Creating Time for Passion: Often, you feel too busy to engage in the things that light you up. But when you make space for the activities you love, you allow yourself to reconnect with your passions and engage in meaningful pursuits. Whether it’s painting, writing, cooking, or playing music, dedicating time to these activities provides you with a sense of fulfilment and happiness.
Flow and Joy: Activities that allow you to get into a “flow” state — where you lose track of time and become completely immersed - are some of the most nourishing things you can do. These activities help reduce stress, improve mental clarity, and increase overall well-being. By creating space for these moments of flow, you reconnect with the joy of doing things for the sake of enjoyment, not obligation.
Pursuing Purpose: Creating space to love what you do also involves engaging in activities that ignite your sense of purpose. Whether it’s volunteering for a cause close to your heart, taking on a creative project that aligns with your values, or pursuing a career that resonates with your passions, these actions help us feel a deeper connection to ourselves and your contributions to the world.
4. Love to Be With: Nurturing Relationships and Human Connection
The C in L.U.N.C.H.E.S. stands for Community, and this pillar emphasises the importance of connection. Humans are social creatures, and creating space for meaningful relationships is essential for our well-being.
The people you surround yourself with - family, friends, partners, and colleagues - significantly impact your happiness and sense of belonging.
Quality Time: To love the people we’re with, we need to prioritise quality time and meaningful interactions. It’s not about how much time you spend with others, but about being present and engaged when you do. This might mean putting away distractions like phones, being a better listener, or simply sharing experiences that deepen your connection.
Building Supportive Relationships: Just as we make space for the things we love to have, you should also make space for the relationships that nourish and support you. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, the relationships that uplift you should be cherished and nurtured. It’s about creating a community of people who celebrate who you are and encourage you to grow.
Giving and Receiving Love: Love isn’t just about receiving; it’s also about giving. When you show up for others, you create a sense of fulfilment and mutual support. This cycle of giving and receiving love strengthens our bonds and enriches our lives.
Creating space to love the people we’re with ensures that your relationships are authentic, meaningful, and supportive, allowing you to feel connected and valued.
5. Love to Learn: Nurturing Growth and Curiosity
The 5th dimension of space, Love to Learn, is all about the importance of creating room in your life for continuous growth, both intellectually and emotionally. This is about staying curious, embracing new ideas, and fostering a mindset of lifelong learning.
Embrace Curiosity: Make space to ask questions, explore new interests, and challenge your assumptions. Learning isn’t confined to formal education or structured environments; it happens every time you open your mind to new perspectives. Whether it’s reading books, listening to podcasts, or engaging in thoughtful conversations, making space for curiosity sparks innovation and enriches our understanding of the world.
Growth Mindset: A key element of the Love to Learn dimension is adopting a growth mindset. This concept, popularised by psychologist Carol Dweck, suggests that abilities and intelligence can be developed over time with effort, persistence, and resilience. By making space to learn, you’re not only expanding your knowledge but also reinforcing the belief that you can improve and grow, no matter where you start. This mindset encourages perseverance in the face of challenges and celebrates the process of learning, not just the outcome.
Self-Reflection and Adaptation: Another key aspect of Love to Learn is the willingness to learn about ourselves. Personal growth doesn’t just come from external sources; it’s about developing emotional awareness, understanding your own behaviours and reactions, and adapting accordingly. Creating space for self-reflection allows you to examine your thoughts and feelings, learn from your experiences, and grow into more conscious and compassionate individuals.
When you dedicate space to learning, you not only expand your mind but also fuel your sense of wonder and purpose. When you come to understand that every experience — whether a success or failure — is an opportunity to grow - you grow.
Which of the 5 dimensions of SPACE is Most Important to Me?
As I reflect on the dimensions of space; the one which holds the most weight for me; is number 4 - the space to be with.
In the fast-paced world we live in, it’s easy to get caught up in the cadence of the world around us. For me, true fulfilment comes when we prioritise meaningful connection. For a large part of my career, I took the time to nurture work based relationships but didnt take the time for friendships and if I’m honest or my family either. Over the past few years, following my divorce and reconnecting with coaching and the space that it has created, it’s become clearer to me that relationships are at the heart of our happiness.
I now realise, that making space for the people who bring us joy, love, and support is the foundation of a thriving life. This includes not just cherishing the relationships we have, but also being vulnerable enough to ask for help when you need it. Another element I’ve been working on in recent years.
Recognising that relationships are at the heart of our happiness has been transformative for me in recent years.
My friends and clients have helped reinforce this too.
The time that my colleague and friend Angela McClelland of the Extraordinary Collective makes for her friends and family and the glow it brings her fills me with joy. Time with my Endurance Racing Buddy and best mate Jason Hayles reminds me of the value of speaking ‘out-loud’. And the dedication of clients like Mark Homans, Head of Social Impact at Santander and World Record Holder, Speaker and Family man Sean Conway, make to creating space for family and partner time, has really brought home to me - the value of making this investment.
In a world which often celebrates independence, there’s immense power in not just acknowledging that we are not meant to walk this journey alone - but committing to do it - is an imperative.
An exercise…
None work relationships, and making time for them, are now so important to me, that I often find a way to run an exercise with teams to highlight the importance of this very principle.
In the exercise, I ask everyone to write down the names of the five people who bring them the most joy, love, and support - those individuals who truly make life brighter.
Having done this, I then ask a simple but powerful question: How many days or weeks would you like to go without seeing them? The answer is usually telling, as most people realise that time with these individuals is far too precious to delay.
The final step in the exercise is to then ask them to get in touch with those people and book time to see them.
It’s a small action that creates massive impact, ensuring we make time for those who truly matter.
Life is too short not to prioritise these relationships, and the act of creating space for these connections can enrich our lives in ways that no material possession or personal achievement ever could.
Final Thoughts: The Power of Space in a Fulfilled Life
At the heart of the L.U.N.C.H.E.S. model and the element; SPACE - is the idea that giving yourself space for the things you love is not just a luxury but a necessity for a balanced, fulfilling life.
By creating space to love to have, love to be, love to do, love to be with, and love to learn, we nurture our well-being in every dimension - physical, emotional, mental, and social.
Whether it’s decluttering your home, creating time for your passions, practising self-compassion, deepening your relationships, or embracing a growth mindset, each of these actions creates space for more joy, meaning, and purpose in your life.
The more you prioritise these elements, the more aligned you become with your true self, and the more you can live a life filled with love and fulfilment.
Questions to Reflect Upon
The journey of making space is ongoing, but with the right mindset and focus, you can create a life that feels whole, balanced, and deeply satisfying. Here are some questions which will help you to take a step back today and assess the space you have, want, and need in your life.
How much space do I currently have? - Consider the physical, emotional, and mental space in your life. Are you overwhelmed by possessions, obligations, or clutter (physical or mental)? What areas of your life feel crowded, and where do you feel most restricted or stressed?
How much space do I truly want? - Think about the kind of life you envision for yourself. What would an ideal day, week, or year look like in terms of balance and fulfilment? What spaces - whether for self-care, creativity, relationships, or personal growth - do you wish you had more of in your life?
How much space do I need to thrive? - Reflect on what’s essential for your well-being. How much space do you need to feel grounded, inspired, and connected to yourself and others? What changes, big or small, would allow you to create more of the space you need to flourish physically, mentally, and emotionally?
What do you think? I'd welcome your thoughts and feelings.
Having reflected on how much space you have, want, and need, it’s time to take inspired action. The first step is to be gentle with yourself — creating space is a process, not an instant transformation.
Start small, but start now. Whether it’s decluttering a single drawer, setting aside 10 minutes each day for quiet reflection, or reaching out to someone who brings you joy, these simple actions will begin to shift the balance in your life. Remember, space is not a luxury; it’s a necessity for your well-being and growth.
By carving out room for the things you love — what you have, what you do, who you are, who you’re with, and the knowledge you seek — you are giving yourself permission to thrive.
Embrace this journey of nurturing what matters, and allow yourself to flourish in every dimension of your being. The world is richer when you invest in the things that truly spark joy and resonate with your authentic self.
For me, when you make space for you, it allows you to sustain yourself and when you recognise the importance of this, you begin to notice and recognise the need to sustain others.
Sustaining others, makes me mindful of the part we each play in creating a thriving and sustainable planet.
And as you’ll have read in my “…seven aspirations for the world” piece, the responsibility I believe each and everyone of us has; making space to sustain oneself and those around you, puts each of us in a better place to connect with that purpose and the actions required to make it so.
Find space; it’s important.
Stefan
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For now; thank you
I am…
An executive coach who specialises in helping good people lead great things.
Good people care about others, our planet and beauty. Great things are changes for the betterment of society and all that lives within an around it.
It sounds big and fun - it is.
I'm also an endurance racing cyclist and a go. getter.
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